i wish i could put up a brave front. just like you did. i wish i knew the words to say. say the words you want to hear. i wish i could read what is going through your mind each time i'm right infront of you. i want to know what exactly are you thinking about each time we're together. i want to be that special one. YOUR special someone. but i guess i'm a far cry from that. but still, i still cannot run away from the fact, no matter how hard i try, you're still the one who sees these tears. even though its meant for you. and though i never say it. but i know you know it. i know you can feel what i'm feeling. and i know you refuse to give in to me. but why is it, you make it look all so easy. when every step i take, its killing me. i know you know the reason behind the long hours at work.

secretly, everyone close to you has been telling me i should move on. but i just refuse to budge. because i know there's so much more than they can see. i know you are more than what they make you sound like. they say, patience is a virtue. but i guess i'm too spoilt at times. i want answers. i want guarantees. i want a yes, or a no. but at times though, i wouldnt take no for an answer too. oh how i wish you would understand, baby. i wish you would. feelings aren't there anymore? its all just a lie. a big lie. just how i lied to you with my sickening ways. (fuck lah girls. this is not the time to attack me. so dont bother trying.) i cried. time and time again i cried. only this time much worse. and the person to witness it, isn't the one i wish it was. again, she tried. she tried to put a stop to it. she tried to tell me to move on. but its not so easy. doing things doesnt mean i expect something in return. but certain people just won't understand that.

i think about that love. that love that we once shared. that love too that was lost. that love too thats never going to come back.

ahhhhh has. you think too much. why are you so restless? its time to try and go to sleep.