the famous four letter word. well, besides the-other-four-letter-word. oh please. dont 'what' me. you clearly know what i'm getting at. let me just spell it out for you lah ok. FUCK. there you go. but thats not the point.
isn't it amazing how this four-letter-word makes you feel? LOVE LAH GUNDU!! it makes you feel like the whole world is yours to take. it makes you feel like you're on top of the world. makes you look forward to something every single time the moment you wake up.
i've come across blogs of girls especially (guys seem to have lost the affection towards girls in their blogs but when they do, it irks me) who blog about their Mr Boyfriends. one good example, me. take a look at my past archives. oh yes there were loads of entries about Mr Yotty. again, thats not the point.
its also amazing how love can keep you sane, yet drives you to insanity. it drives you up the wall, yet it keeps you coming back for more. what exactly is love anyway?
i think about lost loves. yes. maybe regrets that i have let them go. but to a point that a lost love made me feel like i would want to go back to him, so far none have reached that stage. yet. maybe because i'm always happy with my current state, and thats why i cant bring myself to go back to the past.
a friend once told me in times of hardship, "its not about how hard you get hit. its about how hard you get hit, AND move along."
now this is where the angst sinks in. because of my bad past, i've had people going behind my back and saying that "dekni dah lah macam ni. then dapat lelaki macam tu." i can't remember who you loads of bloodypools are. but dont think i don't know. i just wanna say,
"to err is human..."
so? Thank God for all that lah. but yeah, you want? take. if its destined to be mine, it is. if its not, no matter how in the long run you go, it still wont be.
and i repeat again,
"TO ERR IS HUMAN..."
come to think of it. my life sounds like a crude fairytale. something which one with a boring life would wish it would happen. i on the other hand, wish i had a boring life. well, you never know what you've got till its gone right? "right smack in front of me, and i never cherished it." ahhhhh. the good ol' saying of the aftermath of losing something.
received an email. "i want answers... answers of why you changed so much. all my ex hate it because i keep talking about you, you, you."
as always, i didnt feel like there was a need to reply. here are all my reasons.
1. when i reply, it gives him hope.
2. i'm disgusted just by the sight of him.
3. he put me through one hell of a pain that i will never forget for the rest of my life.
4. he managed to make me feel like a total slut.
5. i really really really hate the sight of him.
6. if i reply, it will simply mean i'm not happy with my current state. no?
7. another sentence i quote back from those days, "i'm gonna treat you right..." HAH!
8. another one from the email, "dont get me wrong, i'm not trying to get back with you..."
so the motive of the email? is just to get answers? and what happens when the answers are given? will it be of any benefit? i bet no. if all the things i have been keeping inside is given straight in your stupid face, you will cry i tell you. oh yes you will. you will feel so small that you wish you had never spoken to me. just like you made me feel throughout that last one year into the relationship. what comes around, comes around right? so now you feel like Mr Lonely just like in Akon's song?
i dont know. yes. what goes around comes around. maybe in time, i will suffer the same hurt you feel the time i left you. for someone better. maybe that someone better will leave me for someone else better. the world keeps spinning. but i'd prefer for Karma to come visit me rather than go back to the past. now i'm on this journey. the journey of no return. and i no longer wish for it to happen again. not with you. i still feel sorry for you. no. no more love. just sorry. but you got your just desserts. and now you want to start cherishing the fact that i was always there for you? its all too late now. too late. it dont matter no more.
"the world is a playground"...
till then.
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